Remembering GOD is in Control

One thing I can say for sure that parenthood has done to me is brought me closer to GOD. I would always put myself in the category of a Christian and full believer in God and his creations, but I am definitely guilty of going astray every once in a while. I would not say I do this willingly or even knowingly, but it happens. As life changes, sometimes so fast, you're faced with big decisions and I sometimes forget to relay on God for the right answer.

When I found out I was pregnant, after a year of trying/praying I was MORE then excited! It had finally happened for us! This started out my reliance on GOD. Up to this point I had spent my time praying to God and not understanding why he was putting me though this struggle. Instead of praising God for the GREAT things he has given me, I was upset for what he wasn't. I wanted for a baby SO bad and it seem that everything was going wrong. So, when I saw the two very precious lines on the pregnancy test a little light switch went off in my head. Those two pink lines showed up about a week after Scott had accepted a job and we were moving out of town, away from family and myself now jobless. With that ahead I had nothing else to do but put my faith in GOD. Wouldn't you know, I started to see why God waited to answer my prayers until now. He was not ignoring me, but like everything with him, it's on his perfect time. This move and Scott's new job allowed me to stay at home, we found a wonderful doctor up here and allowed me to see my little munchkin at every appointment and gave us a little more security with income and we would have covered insurance for our new little one. Throughout the pregnancy I prayed daily, often more then once, to God to keep my Little Blessing growing and keep him healthy along with thanking him for putting me on this journey. I thanked him for allowing me to feel Jase move on a daily, sometimes hourly basis. I found my self solely relying on God to keep my baby safe. I put total faith in God to protect our little one.

Almost immediately once this little boy was born something changed in me again. I wouldn't say that I lost touch with God, but I have this overwhelming feeling that ONLY I could protect this little baby. I felt that everything I did had a HUGE effect on this little human being and I had to be perfect at taking care of him. I still prayed to God to protect him and keep him healthy, but I don't feel I was deeply believing he had ultimate control. Everything bad that wasn't going perfectly with my sweet boy, I found myself asking God why he was doing this to me, why is this SO hard. What I had to work through and remember was that God always has a plan.

What was my plan: Have a natural labor, breastfeed, not use pacifiers, baby only in our room for 3 month, make sure I give Abby a ton of attention and so on. Gods Plan: You'll be induced, You will get the joy of breasfeeding, but not for long, you'll start using pacifiers on day 3 and you'll give Abby attention, but it wont be as much, but she'll come around. Oh man was my plan way off from Gods. What I had to bring myself back to (and I'm a work in progress) is that God does have a plan, he put's you through things for a reason. He does NOTHING to hurt you but EVERYTHING to help you. So as I was going through the tough times breastfeeding brought, praying to God for help, he was leading me on his path the whole time. I was fighting this path and struggled the whole way. I struggled with what I wanted to do vs. what God had in store for me. I didn't realize everything God was doing with Jase was to make me see HE IS IN CONTROL, not me. I had to let go of what I thought perfect would be, so it really could be what our perfect was going to be.

My Plan Now: Leave it to God. When I struggle look to him for guidance and trust he is in control. I am the keeper of his child, Jase's life is already planned. His story is already written and it had been when I was praying to God a year before we found out he would be in our life. My prayers to God now are filled with thanks, filled with asking God to keep Jase safe and healthy and to help me remember he is in control.

What I see now, once I have let it all go to God is that Jase is SO healthy and SO happy. His smile is contagious and I'm so happy I get to see that smile so many times a day. I'm so thankful I get to spend my days with my little man. Yes, it's still hard, in no way is taking care of a baby easy work! Some decisions are just going to be hard to make and I may still second guess myself, but I have to remember God has my back. He is not going to lead me in a path of failure. God has used this little boy to make me a better person. I have found myself to be much more relaxed with life and to go with the flow. Before him I felt I needed to be the best at everything, doing everything right and if I wasn't I was failing somehow. Don't get me wrong, I am still a very "planned" person, but I have learned to let some things go. Every little detail is not so important, but the overall picture is what I need to look at.

A friend of mine posted this quote on Instagram and I did share on IG and Facebook, but I'll share here too!

Dear Lord,

Thank you for the blessing you have given me and my family. Thank you for giving me a awesome husband and father to Jase. I pray that you help me be the best mom & wife I can be, that you keep me on the path you have chosen. I pray Jase grows up to follow you. I pray his dad and I are a good example to him. Please let me always remember YOU are in control, not me. Thank you for allowing me to be Jase's mommy. I pray I NEVER take for granite the blessing you have given me. Let me remember the life you have given me is a perfect life for me.

Amen

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